Idle Thoughts

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Leo Tolstoy

Prolific writer I am not. Too lazy? Maybe. Procrastinator? Definitely. Excuses? Most certainly. The thing is, I have a lot on my plate, even during these lull moments. I cannot stand being idle, though idle is what I have to go through for the next three weeks. Ouch!

Leo's right. As the late MJ said,"I'm starting with the man in the mirror." Sometimes the hardest thing to do is looking into my own eyes in the mirror. I started thinking of the the things I've done, I remembered some of my accomplishments, but mostly I reflected on my failures. What I should have done differently, my regret that it had happened the way it did. One thing in particular stood out among the rest....but that is for me to know and for the rest of the world to never be enlightened.

A friend told me to view it this way....reflect on it, accept it and move on. God in all His wisdom has said that everything happens for a reason. Everything happens as is should. There is a reason that everything happened as it did. I know it, I take measure in it...but when it did, it broke my heart. All in all, even in the worst of circumstances there is a lesson to be learned. I learned mine, but the cost is more than I can bear.

I changed after that. Not immediately after, mind. But some time after that. Which is a good thing. I don't think I could survive if I didn't. The "me" that is standing now can say I have been there, done that. I'm still a long way off from changing the world, but perhaps the "new" me can change it one person at a time.

I only hope I have made a difference.